In my skin

I lost the feeling of being secure in my own skin on October 31st, 2013.


It was my freshmen year of college and I was attending my first Halloween party.  For the past few hours I had been getting ready with some of my sorority sisters in excitement because I had recently met this guy in my business class, who would be there.  A few weeks before, he was nice enough to show me where all the fun hangout spots were around campus; I was already attracted to him.  Why would a junior even want to talk to me?  With him being older I felt the need to make myself look more mature.  So I arrived at the party with my cherry red stilettos, already killing my feet, and a tight white nurse costume, too short in my opinion.  But I wanted to put myself out there; isn’t that what college is about?  After an hour or so, I still had not seen him and started to wonder why I dressed the way I did, because it wasn’t me.  Then suddenly my waist was being grabbed.  I turned around to see him standing above me.  I was so anxious up to this point but, seeing his smile, my nerves vanished.  We sat and talked for hours about anything and everything with the occasional touch of his hand on my leg or a gentle kiss on the cheek.  He later offered me a drink.  I, of course, said yes to fit in.  As time went on and the more I consumed the drink, the more I felt as though I didn’t have control over my body or decisions.  The music and people were getting louder so he asked if I wanted to go somewhere quieter.  The next thing I knew I was being taken by the hand to a room upstairs.  I was set down on the bed thinking we would talk some more, but before I knew it I was being forced into a situation that no one should ever experience.

And that’s when I lost the feeling of being secure in my own skin.  

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